my favourite spam (note how polite it is, especially considering what it’s selling) - plus, in italics, the response i’d like to send. (if i replied to spam, which you never, ever, should, boys & girls!)

Hi dianechitticks, love my new nickname! working hard? how did you know?

The answer is quite clear. You re overworked, man, I can tell! But chill out, there s plenty of people just like you. phew! 

Do you know that an immense grow of people suffering from a sexual disorder is observed, the number of people JUST LIKE YOU is nightmarishly huge. a number of people JUST LIKE ME would be nightmarishly huge, you’re right! but let’s just stop and look back at that grammar, shall we? - wow. i recommend david crystal’s book ‘rediscover grammar’, it’s helped an immense grow of people.

Questioned? - this is the kind of thing david crystal can help you with. one word does not a sentence make. you mean to say: ‘don’t believe me?’

It s the price for the life you lead. YOU ARE TO EARN THE MONEY. i am?

The whole money making process is all yours. woo-hoo!

What did you think you d gonna get? - i dunno, an apostrophe perhaps?

To sum it up? Too tired to go on. i really am!

You re now experiencing your sexual engine failure. oh no. 

No wonder your lady is pissed off , your girlfriend is on her way to pack up her stuff and get off. - so i have a girlfriend and a lady, or are they one and the same?

But what would you say if I tell you that. full stop in the wrong place, dude.

I can lend a hand. no pun intended? ha ha ha 

Be your self medicator, feel different, feel you FANCY THAT and YOU CAN. i fancy what and can what? 

And WE LL ENCOURAGE. i bet you will. i just don’t know what you’re talking about. 

And I ll bet it works. you don’t even know? that’s not a very good advert for your product, is it?

I m sure you re aware of what Viagra is. no….

You think that it s high priced. Then I ve got SOME good news for you! thank god, SOME good news!

Check out the prices, this deal is decent! wow, ‘decent’ - don’t go overboard on the  adjectives, will you?

Viagra- $1.53 Didn t expect the price to be that low?! It s real, there s just no need to overpay for the license which drugs stores simply do have to pay for the right to sell it out. again, grammar - it’s gone askew, hasn’t it? no-one knows what you mean. 

Be strait up, buy strait ahead. yes, might as well add some dodgy spelling, why not?

And have a nice one! i will! thanks for the scam, i mean spam…