part one

part two

and now - the final installment! at last…

friday (continued)

…wet, cold, plantar fasciitis-ed (foot AGONY in a big big way) and all, we joined the back of the queue, and waited. and waited. and waited. i feel sorry for the girl behind us who had to listen to our litany of complaints - my feet, the cold, my mum’s lack of hat, etc etc etc. there’s really no way to convey the horror of the wait, except to say that no amount of bargain shopping could really make up for such a poor level of service from GRAY LINE buses. surely they knew how many tickets they’d sold?

four buses and two and and a half hours later, we were finally on a bus (which scandalously left with four places spare, despite the super-sized queue still waiting). just another one hour trip back to the city? not quite. almost two hours later, after having my senses blasted by die hard 4 on the in-coach screens, we were dropped off at a wet and cold port authority, dripping wet and unsure which way to head back. we finally strode out (or in my case, hobbled, hopped up on a dangerous amount of painkillers) in the direction of our hotel. but it became clear we wouldn’t make it back to the hotel and then to dinner in time, so we’d have to go straight to the restaurant.

we were going, on keris’s recommendation, to the revolving restaurant on top of the marriott marquis hotel in times square. we’d both hoped to dress up a little for the occasion, but instead had to dash into the public restroom, try to turn our bedraggled hair into something stylish (my mum pulled it off; i didn’t quite), slap on some make-up and pull ourselves together. luckily the restaurant was not as posh as we’d feared (someone was wearing jeans) and despite being sodden and a few minutes late, we were lucky enough to bag a window table and enjoyed the lovely view whizzing past, even if, after being on a bus for so long, we were starting to feel a little dizzy.

things began to look up when we were brought some lovely bread and offered cocktails. i had my first cosmospolitan (SO carrie bradshaw!) and, slightly unwisely, ordered some champagne too. then - FOOD! after a delish caesar salad, i had veal with a potato terrine and sauteed broccolini (try saying that after a cosmo or two) and my mum had some velvet-smooth steak (yes, i sampled it). it was all delicious, completely relaxed, the view was fabulous despite the rain and we never wanted to leave. “thanks keris!” we toasted.

for dessert, my mum had creme brulee; i had molten chocolate lava, a deliciously rich dessert sered with ice cream and a kind of rounded chocolate arc de triomphe. gorgeous. then time for some coffee for my ma and mint tea for me, before we headed back to the hotel (at loooooong last) and collapsed, sated and soaked to the skin.

saturday

i woke up feeling optimistic.

this i what is known as *misplaced* optimism. i got up to go to the loo and could barely move. it hurt to even place my feet on the floor and the muscles in my legs, back and shoulders had seized up from doing so much, from walking and waiting for so long the day before, and from the stress of the previous day. i came out of the bathroom and my mum was watching the TV. “bad news,” she said. “the stagehands have gone on strike.”

this strike, a row over pay, had been threatened for the end of november, then was apparently resolved, but now had blown up again and they’d decide to call a strike on the day i was going to see wicked - a show i’d been longing to see for years. GREAT.

tired and hormonal, i had a little cry.

i seemed to be having a bit of bad holiday karma. still, after some frosted flakes (we had an in-room fridge for milk and stuff, which was gooooooood) and lotsa lotsa painkillers i was refreshed and ready to go to the famous (and also keris-recommended) strand book shop. this was my idea of HEAVEN. books upon books upon books and best of all, in the basement, a cache of unwanted but perfect condition review copies at half price. i started piling them up in my arms before noticing some little trolleys. brilliant! i then seriously began the piling.

once i’d got a pretty full trolley, i headed to the main floor, where i was meeting my mum (she’d gone for a coffee nearby). the main floor was busier and even more book-filled and i picked up a couple more prizes plus a calendar and book bag for both of us. at around £70 for 10 books plus other bits and pieces, i don’t think i did too badly. better that i left before doing any more damage, though.

so we hailed a taxi to the famous carnegie deli, home to massive sandwiches and walls full of celebrity autographs. i’d wanted to go there ever since seeing ruby wax attempt to work there, over 10 years ago. we at down next to a family of women, who were in shock over the size of their sarnies. “do you want some of mine? i’ll never even notice!” the woman next to me joked.

we considered sharing between ourselves but couldn’t agree on a filling, so my mum went for corned beef and i chose turkey on rye, with fries which were huge and gorgeous. the atmosphere was fast and frenetic and i couldn’t believe how quickly the food arrived. our waiter was brusque bordering on comedic and before long we were rushed out the door, grabbing a takeaway slice of chocolate mousse cake on our way (sounds easy, but involved queuing up three times and being shouted at about ten times; that’s new york for you.)

we walked back to the hotel in plenty of time to get ready for the theatre. shame we couldn’t actually GO.

instead, we got ready to go shopping! we watched a bit of telly, had a lie down, changed, i soaked my feet and ate a bit more of my sarnie (of course i took half home with me) then we headed off to sephora, on a mission to scoop up as much cheap make up as possible.

again, money was spent.

oops.

sunday

i got up and immediately commenced packing, which consisted mainly of shoving dirty clothes into carrier bags. then breakfast; and off to meet keris outside radio city music hall at the rockefeller center. (we’ve met up in manchester, sheffield, and now new york. how glam are we?)

after wandering ineptly around the mystifying and labyrinthine tunnels under the rockefeller centre, we finally found somewhere to eat and had a lurvely (chicken and mashed sweet potato for me) and laugh-filled meal and talked to our waiter who was a big morrissey fan. then it was time to go to the top of the rock, the viewing tower at the top of rockefeller centre. keris said (confirming what a bus tour guide had told us) that this was the best view of new york she’d seen - and no queuing for hours like the empire state!

the view was just phenomenal. breathtaking. every adjectival cliche you can think of. it brought tears to my eyes. definitely my top (ha ha) new york attraction.

[if you scroll down at www.keris-stainton.com you can see a video of the top of the rock in which i feature, thankfully not at close range. i never signed a release form you know, k…]

after that rocking (ha ha ) view, we went downstairs to meet lisa, keris’s pal and famous pink goddess. we had a starbucks and bonded over a love of betsey johnson and bags. after hugs all round, keris and lisa left for a dinner cruise to celebrate having walked 13 miles for charidee the day before, and my mum and i went to wash and brush up before heading back to radio city for the rockettes 75th annual christmas show. on the way, we bought souvenirs at a shop where the rude salesman told me what bad skin i have. i need to drink “less water”, apparently. i cried all the way back to the hotel, feeling ugly and disgusting. (F-U-N!) the worst thing was that my skin actually wasn’t looking as bad as it often does.

so, the show. this wasn’t like a musical, but set pieces consisting of great sets and fabulous dance routines. such energy and SUCH great dancing. my favourite was one number where the rockettes pretended to be toy soldiers - just brilliant. the audience was kind of restless though… if you get the chance, it’s worth going just to see the chandelier in the foyer. WOW. such a gorgeous building, you can’t believe it. (and it was nearly ripped down years ago! scandalous.) after the show, we made the wise decision of going against the foot traffic, and found an uncrowded TGI friday’s where i had a gorgeous pork sarnie and cocktail. my mum accused me of being rowdy. we staggered back to the hotel, calling in at M&Ms world and the hershey store on the way - luckily we were too full to buy anything at either, but the wall of M&Ms in every imaginable colour was mucho impressive. when we got back to the hotel, i was planning to do more packing but the period pain from hades kicked in and i rolled around ineffectually instead. i changed into my new i heart ny t shirt, reads some of the new york times (yay!) and took painkillers whilst moaning. finally i shoved one or two things in my case and set the alarm for veryvery early the next day…

monday

still in pain, and in a huge rush to get everything ready. checked out and then only just made it to the bus for our movie & TV tour in time despite setting off a little early (?)

we saw everything from the clock from ugly betty to the cosby show steps to carrie bradshaw’s street, the friends building and a lot of stuff from seinfeld, a show i’ve seen four times, so that bypassed me a bit. i did win a mini chocolate bar for knowing who said “i’ll have what she’s having” in when harry met sally (rob reiner’s mother, duh). i wished we hadn’t had to get off the bus to walk and look at things as my feet hated me by this point and i was in danger of becoming possibly the first plantar fasciitis-induced suicide, which would not have been good.

for some reason, we were walked to the ‘rice to riches’ cafe, the most disgusting place imaginable - a shop selling flavoured rice puddings. i happen to consider rice pudding the most abhorrent food thing in the whole entire world, so you can imagine how i feel about FLAVOURED rice pudding… 

but the shop was featured in hitch, which i kind of liked, so why not. after three and a half hours of movie locations, we ended up back where we started, and headed to bubba gumps for our last meal in new york. at this famous shrimp restaurant, my mum had a burger and i enjoyed a chicken sandwich. hee.

we were right opposite a big screen in times square and sat next to each other staring tiredly and blankly ahead. then it was time to go. we went back to the hotel, collected our bags and waited for a taxi, which took less time than we thought. getting in, we mentally waved goodbye to manhattan, and headed for queens, and home.

recommendation: don’t fly delta from JFK. talk about a nightmare. they’re so pushed for space that passengers for all flights queue up in one big glob. behind us, a girl from brussels expressed surprise that we’d turned up three hour early for our flight, y’know, as they tell you to do. she had just over an hour to her flight and wasn’t sure if she’d make it in time. (we think she did…) once we got over that hurdle (about an hour and a half later), we grabbed a quick snack, some duty free (clarins have a new moisturiser and i LIKE it) and er, another book. that’s twelve if you’re counting.

oh yes,  i almost forgot to mention we both had to pay excess baggage… insultingly, when we collected our suitcases from the carousel in manchester, we saw they had huge HEAVY tags all over them. rude!

after an interminable journey (more food, less sleep, still crappy films on the flight, followed by the train and a taxi home) we both wandered around aimlessly, gormless but less tired than we’d feared, before having a takeaway pizza and then falling asleep in our chairs. but before the falling asleep came the most important thing of all - my mum went to collect rufus, who had been much missed, and was very happy to be home. he’d lost weight at the cattery, and i could’ve cried thinking he must have been worrying about why he’d been abandoned. 

he followed us around all evening, crying and crying and refusing to settle down or be left alone for a second. he’s going to a luxury holiday home for felines next time. (maybe i should join him).

TO BE CONTINUED…

kidding!