what do you do?

yes, i’m live-blogging the show. here, now! comments, observations and suggestions welcome. grammar and spelling to be tidied up later!

6.44 ish: wishing i had a more exact idea of the time… okay merlin is going off (anyone see it? don’t think i’d like it but if you did good luck to you).

6.45: whoops! don’t want to see the heroes ad, have only just started series two…

okay, HERE WE GO! tess said it best: “this is strictly come dancing - LIVE” (and also? liveBLOGGED!)

nice dress, tess. red. flowery. bit katherine heigl at the oscars. (was it the oscars? will look it up later). your dancing gets worse, though… as does brucie’s banter. he’s getting a bit political though - saying ruth kelly quit government to be on the show. oh dear.

anyway! here come the dancers (and my chance to pre-judge them)…

i think tom chambers is a bit big-headeed.

is jessie wallace auditioning for velma kelly in chicago? seriously.

i’m not confident about jodie kidd… is anyone?

heather small looks promising though.

gary rhodes seems really big-headed.

i have no confidence in gillian taylforth.

right, jessie wallace is first. another chance to see “you ain’t my muvver!”

i heart darren. i interviewed him once you know, he was really nice. looks like they’re having fun in training, they’re going to do a salsa. she looks a bit cautious but we’ll see how she gets on on the dancefloor…

JESSIE’S DANCE: SALSA

i thought: bit ungraceful but good energy, great outfit. not a bad first effort but she’ll have to polish up a bit.

judges thought: “a very, very good job. try and nail the routine so you can really perform” - len.

“full of content” but not wild enough - bruno.

“heavy and a bit laboured, your legs were splaying every time you went down but not bad” - craig

“your dress and smile were working overtime but your hips weren’t” - arlene.

MY SCORE: 6
JUDGES SCORES: 4+4+6+6 = 20

next up is christine blakely (is that spelled right?)

bruce is talking about gagging and doddering (don’t ask).

oh, it’s bleakley. and she’s younger than me! i don’t think she looks it. but then i look young. sorry, back on topic. can she be as great as alesha? we will see. in a minute. if they ever get on with it.

CHRISTINE’S DANCE: FOXTROT

i thought: the foxtrot usually bores me and this was a little bland but her fuschia dress is gorgeous and this was a really good effort. it’s just a blah dance to me.

judges thought: “grace and elegance” - len

“light and ethereal” - bruno.

“extremely confident, lovely shaping through the arms but finish them off a bit better. your framing let you down a bit” - craig
(”it didn’t!” - len)

“the most elegant lady” - arlene

MY SCORE: 7

JUDGES SCORE: 6+6+8+7 = 27

bruce is rambling. oh, i didn’t know lisa snowdon had taken over from denise van outen on johnny vaughn’s breakfast radio show. brendan likes lisa cos she’s pretty and fit - biiiig surprise. (ps: why is he a judge on the underdog show these days? it’s weird). not sure if lisa will be as good as she wants to be. but time to find out!
LISA’S DANCE: SALSA

i thought: dazzling dress, not bad moves but not quite confident enough on her own. her salsa rolls were’t flexible enough and her hands were waggling about without finishing off the moves.

judges thought:

“natural rhythm but your free arm was hanging about” (HA!)

“get down get dirty” - arlene
“fantastic spins” - len

talk about sitting chickens and pepperpots. eh?

“we want to see the juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus” - (who else?) bruno.
MY SCORE: 6
JUDGES SCORE: 5+5+6+6 = 21

time for jodie kidd. this makes me feel old, i remember when she was the epitome of heroin chic. now she’s a horsey posho type. but taaaaaaaaaal: 6′2″ (wow). enter ian waite: the tall girl’s saviour… she looks kinda gawky in the training…

JODIE’S DANCE: FOXTROT

i thought: bit blah again. cos it’s a foxtrot! she looks a bit unsure and her leg kicks weren’t graceful, but not bad.
judges thought: “really really nice but the footwork was a bit ropey” - arlene
“tall girls can dance. it was light, i loved the heel turn that you tried” - len

“you did incredibly well. don’t go from goofy to ice queen - decide the role” - bruno

“height magnifies all problems. there’s a lot of body to control” - craig
MY SCORE: 6 (again)
JUDGES SCORE: 5+6+7+7 = 25

what? jodie’s around my age? i thought she was about 35… okay, back to topic again. we’re looking at the boys’ merengue training now. why am i calling them boys? they’re men. has ola bleached her hair? i’m really not sure about this merengue… we’ll see.

who’s next? nobody. tess is talking to the boys men now. shiny shirts, hips, girls are doing well, blah blah. andrew is dancing the tango next week - tess suggests matching jumpsuits…

ooh! it’s heather small from m people. i’ve been looking forward to this! she looks like she has some moves. and her partner brian is a salsa expert. although he looks about two, bless ‘im.

HEATHER’S DANCE: SALSA

i thought: the best salsa so far, if a bit slow. she was better in hold than out, but i think that was pretty complicated choreography. not as exciting as i’d hoped, but promising…
judges thought: “that’s the spirit! but you missed a few accents” - bruno

“right attitude… it’s let me down a little bit” - craig
“don’t lose it. sizzle - cos you can!” - arlene

“queen of the salsa! great job” - len

MY SCORE: 7

JUDGES SCORE 5+6+8+7 = 26

gillian taylforth next. eek. i don’t have high hopes for her. but we’ll see.
GILLIAN’S DANCE: FOXTROT

i thought: good music (’razzle dazzle’ from chicago) but she doesn’t seem confident. she’s clinging on and hasn’t got great timing. or footwork. spins were dodgy.

judges thought: “a little rough around the edges” - craig

“lots of the fox…” - arlene

“great musicality… tighten up your ribcage” - len

“compared to his previous partners you’re ginger rogers!”
MY SCORE: 5

gillian is so cockney i don’t know what she’s saying to tess. scores!
JUDGES SCORE: 4+5+7+6 = 22

okay, rachel stevens now. she can dance, surely?

RACHEL’S DANCE: SALSA

she can’t wait to get stuck in. vincent is just… being vincent. “i think rachel loves me already. she’s only human.”
i thought: made me a bit shivery. i really liked this one! cute and charismatic and polished.

judges thought: “sexy, don’t hold back” - arlene

“fantastic, well done” - len

“rrrrrrrrrachel… like a pina colada.” - bruno

“i would have liked to have seen a little more rotation… but a-may-zing.”

MY SCORE: 8

JUDGES SCORE: 7+8+8+8=31 *top of the leaderboard!*

wait, did tess just say she had a blog? hey tess, i don’t need the competition, lady!

oh all right, i’ll link to it later.

cherie lungi now, aka: the only partner james jordan has been nice to. “we do have a laugh” she says. has he had anger management classes? even cherie treading on his feet hasn’t made him mr angry.
CHERIE’S DANCE: FOXTROT

i thought: liked the music, whatever it was. controlled and elegant. best foxtrotter of the night, i think. i like cherie. good stuff.
judges thought: “that’s a leading lady!” - bruno

“one class act” - craig

“you’re going to give austin healy a run for his money!”

“best dance of the night” - len

MY SCORE: 8

cherie says she has no saliva. and there was a mistake, but no-one noticed!

JUDGES SCORE: 8+8+9+8=33 *new top of the leaderboard!*

ooh, darren and jessie are at the bottom of the leaderboard… i thought gillian was worse.

agh, time for the men’s group merengue. and for my computer to go crazy, so i didn’t pay much attention. they weren’t bad, although i don’t think it’s john’s dance really. i’d like to see austin do better than tom in this competition ‘cos mr chambers liiiiikes himself. a lot. smarmeee.

and ola *has* bleached her hair.

craig was impressed with tom’s “filthy” hip action but arlene liked austin. get IN!

len was asked who hadn’t improved and he singled out an “awkward” mark.

time to end the show now… and the phonelines are open (calls cost 15p from BT landlines). who to vote for?

this live-blogging is hard work! i might have a lie down now. or some food, at least.

hope you enjoyed this, or you enjoy this when you come to read it later, or you pretend you liked it if i question you subsequently.

vote wisely and often and see the results tomorrow at 8 (including jill and darren jiving - YAY).

“in the meantime, keeeeeeeeeeeep dancing!” *collapses*
[image courtesy of the bbc]

perhaps inevitably, given the title of my blog, i’ve just started work as a consultanty-promoty community-builder/blogger for a new e-publishing portal called YUDU. i’ve tried to explain to both my mum and my dad what YUDU is and they didn’t quiiite get it.

i don’t think the reason for that is that i’ve inherited my mum’s “talent” for explaining things (of her TEFL course: “some of us were apples and some of us were oranges and i had to run up to lucy and shout at her”). i think the reason they didn’t quiiite get it is that there’s so much to do on YUDU. it’s a place to publish magazines, newsletters, e-zines or e-books online. for free, for anyone to read (or to keep to yourself).

you can also bookmark your favourite blogs, show off your portfolio, work on collaborative projects using the site, or even upgrade to a paid account and start selling your wares… so it’s probably a bit bamboozling to know where to start. but it’s worth finding out (and they don’t even pay me to say that!) so please click over and take a look if you think it might be something you’re interested in (or even if you don’t, haha)

i’m going to make a portfolio on there of… something or other, i’ll keep you posted.

i can’t adequately describe how much work i have had to do this week. on monday i was breezing along, four deadlines to get on with plus some corporate stuff and my work for popgagdet, a brisk but manageable amount.

then on tuesday, CHAOS erupted. my email brought two last-minute offers of work for later in the week, and two for the next day, one of which came in at 3.40 in the afternoon — could i do 1000 words for tomorrow morning? er, no.

i mean yes. for that amount, yes, thank you, yes!

so i dropped everything, started finding people to interview (in which i was helped by louise and anne, who are stars, one and both, as is suzie hayman, lovely woman). i worked and wrote and finished my other piece in and around it all, and stayed up until 2am writing and polishing and proofing. then i got up at 6.30, finished proofing and editing and sent my pieces off.

it would have been really nice to have a nap then, but instead i had a 50 minute interview to transcribe, which took a lot longer than 50 mins. i also had to do an interview with someone in america and answer emails for work. but i was asleep by 1 am and didn’t get up until 8.30 today - luxury!

then i had interviews to prepare for and do, more emails to answer… and i now have one more interview to do then two articles to pull together this afternoon, one pretty much from scratch. i suspect i’ll be working late again, before getting up early to write another two articles tomorrow.

THEN on saturday i’ll be doing some corporate work and on sunday guess what i’m writing? two articles? go to the top of the class! more of the same on monday, and i have the nervous breakdown planned for tuesday. gurney please!
i’m taking life in one-hour increments at the moment. and i’m not complaining — i mean, this is pushing my health to the limit, i can’t remember when i last got dressed and if every week was like this it would give me a stroke, but it is still three MILLION times better than constant rejections.

so i’m NOT complaining, i’m just telling you how busy i am, in order to highlight the stupidity of my indulging in a meme right now. and yet that is what i am doing.
because it is clearly imperative that you find out what an unbelievably fussy eater i am. (yes, way more than you, gemma — i mean, seafood? wtf?)

it’s a list of unusual foods, and i have to say which i’ve tried. i’d love it if you’d add your thoughts/experiences in the comments section, and feel free to consider yourself tagged to do this on your own blog.

i’m doing the keris version TM (she added some stuff as four Qs were missing) but ms mac has done it too. here goes!
1. steak tartare - NO. bleurgh.

2. crocodile - no, but i have had alligator, and it was really fatty. bleurgh.

3. black pudding - a sausage made of BLOOD? i’d rather eat my own puke. not that i have…
4. peanut butter and jelly sandwich - i don’t like jam (which is what is meant by ‘jelly’ in this context). nor do i like jelly.
5. aloo gobi - i think i might have, at a buffet. whatever.
6. hot dog from a street cart - nope, i wanted to but my mum wouldn’t when we were in new york, and the ones in england don’t have the same ‘romance’. i used to practically live on hot dogs, though.

7. epoisses - i don’t like soft cheese.

8. black truffle - i don’t like mushrooms so i doubt i’d enjoy this. and at that price!
9. fruit wine made from something other than grapes - i don’t think i have.

10. steamed pork buns - hee, buns. and no.
11. pistachio ice cream - yes! yum.

12. heirloom tomatoes - i don’t like tomatoes.

13. fresh wild berries - i don’t like berries.

14. foie gras - the cruellest thing a carnivore can eat, so no.

15. rice and beans - no.

16. brawn - this really sounds unpleasant. no.

17. raw scotch bonnet pepper - do i look crazy to you? wait, don’t answer that. no.
18. dulce de leche - no.

19. oysters - yuk. no.

20. baklava - no, but i’d like to (really!)

21. bagna cauda - no.

22. wasabi peas - yes! they were HOT. never again.
23. clam chowder - i don’t like clams.
24. salted lassi - i don’t like yoghurt. and salted? ick.

25. sauerkraut - ugh, no.

26. root beer float - don’t like root beer. have had many a coke float, though. yum.

27. cognac with a fat cigar – no.

28. devonshire tea - yes, but only if the scones are plain (no raisins) and i won’t have any jam, of course. interestingly, they always call it devonshire tea in australia, rather than cream tea. do they even know where devonshire is?
29. vodka jelly - i don’t like jelly. but yes.

30. gumbo - i’ve a feeling this involves seafood, so no.

31. oxtail - no. have eaten tongue, though.

32. curried goat - no.

33. whole insects - not likely.

34. phaal - supposed to be the hottest curry ever. i haven’t but i’ve sat next to someone who has. men are stupid.

35. goat’s milk - no. goat’s cheese, yes (but only the hard kind).
36. malt whisky from a bottle worth £60 or more - ha, no.

37. chicken tikka masala - yes. it was a bit hot for me, though. i know.

39. eel - eew. no. eels freak me out.

40. krispy kreme original glazed doughnut - yes! in brisbane this year. yuuuum.

41. sea urchin - no way.

42. prickly pear - i don’t like fruit. or prickles.

43. umeboshi - i don’t like fruit.

44, abalone - sea snails! NO.

45. paneer - i don’t think so…

46. mcdonald’s big mac meal - i think so. i had a big mac once, i can’t remember if it was part of a meal or not, but it probably was. i didn’t enjoy it due to the fact that it was too big, covered in plastic cheese, strewn with gerkins and onions (neither of which i like) and had gone cold.

47. spätzle - no, but i would. looks harmless enough.

48. dirty gin martini - no. i don’t really like gin. or vermouth.

49. beer above 8% ABV - i er, don’t like beer.

50. poutine - fries topped with cheese curds? NO.

51. carob chips - no, but i used to eat a lot of carob-covered peanuts when i was off chocolate. they were okay.
52. s’mores - no, i’ve never been to an american cookout! i don’t like marshmellows, though.

53. sweetbreads - ha ha, riiiight.

54. kaolin - a mineral? no, that would be weird.

55. currywurst - no. it sounds a bit too spicy…

56. durian - don’t like fruit, keep up.
57. frogs’ legs - no.

58. beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake - churros, many a time. delicioso!

59. haggis - no. no no no.

60. fried plantain - aka: banana by any other name? no.

61 chitterlings - no way no how.

62. gazpacho - no. but i might.
63. caviar and blini- no.

64. louche absinthe - okay this is getting boring. no!

65. gjetost, or brunost - weird cheese! no.

66. roadkill - er, what do you think?
67. baijiu - no, but it sounds like surgical spirit. i’ve put that on my feet before.

68. hostess fruit pie - i’m not american and i don’t.like.fruit.

69. snail - oh yum. KIDDING!
70. lapsang souchong - i don’t like tea.

71. bellini - YES! mmmm.

72. tom yum - a what now? oh, thai with whole prawns in. yech, no.
73. eggs benedict - i don’t like runny eggs. and i could live without hollandaise sauce, frankly.

74. pocky - whaty? oh, it’s like a cadbury’s finger, so i’m going to say yes. kinda.

75. tasting menu at a three-michelin-star restaurant - ha! no. what’s the betting i wouldn’t like it, though?

76. kobe beef - no but i’d like to.

77. hare - no. used to eat rabbit as a child, but never really associated it with… rabbits. after that clicked, i never ate it again. (same story with tongue).
78. goulash - i don’t know. probably.

79. flowers - no, but i would.

80. horse - no. and i won’t be trying it.

81. criollo chocolate - no.

82. spam - of course! it’s best fried.

83. soft shell crab - i’ve had crab at a wedding, not sure if it was soft shell or not. it was edible but i wouldn’t have it again.

84. rose harissa - no, but i’m planning on trying a harissa on haddock recipe i saw in glamour.

85. no. i envision them as still having the whsikers on. yuk.

86. mole poblano - yes! haha.

87. bagel and smoked salmon - yes, with cream cheese too. it was vile.

88. lobster thermidor -no. i’ve had lobster soup, but i don’t think it had ever seen a lobster. it was nice, though.
89. polenta - yes. flavourless.

90. jamaican blue mountain coffee - no. i don’t like coffee.

91. snake - ewwww. NO.

92. tripe -no. my grandma loved it though, bless her.
93. heart - noooo.
94. kangaroo - no. i have fed a few kangaroos though, they’re gorgeous.

95. civet coffee - pre-pooped coffee? i don’t like coffee, and i wouldn’t if i did.

96. shark - no. aren’t they endangered?

97. chicken feet - noooo. but they were on offer in singapore (as was ‘pig’s organ soup’.)
98. tequila worms - ewww. no.

99. moussec - no.

100. any egg other than chicken - haha, yes! duck. and it was nice. pretty colour too.

now you…

last night i was perusing the brand new issue of o magazine, when i saw a l’il paragraph on page 69 (dude) which said, ‘…you might want to check out popgadget.net, a tech site geared toward women’.

so that’s my favourite magazine recommending a site i write for? sorry to be so self-referential, but… squee!

ooh, and i keep forgetting, i have a piece in zest this month: fast track to happiness (it’s the edition with the free skipping rope).

this is just inspired:

i read an article in the telegraph today which began ‘as a feminist, i want to support sarah palin…’ and then i was blinded by rage and incomprehension and couldn’t read any further. because this is exactly NOT what being a feminist is supposed to be about. you can’t pick a potential world leader because they were born with a womb, you go by their policies and what kind of politician they are and the values they espouse.

and everything about sarah palin screams, ‘i hate women!’ from her stance on abortion to her vote to cut funding for teenage mothers (ironic, hey) to the fact that SHE’S A REPUBLICAN. surely only a masochistic woman would be glad to see ms palin on the ticket?

the one good thing about mccain’s wild card pick (he’d met the woman for about ten minutes and there wasn’t even time for her to be vetted by the FBI before the nomination was announced — and boy, it shows) is that it makes obama’s choice of VP nominee seem almost sane: where obama is fresh, exciting and vibrant, joe biden is cautious, conservative and staid. god forbid anything happen to barack, ‘cos a biden presidency is not one i want to see. but at least he vetted his choice, and met him more than once, and picked someone with an opinion on the iraq war (palin hasn’t thought much about it, she says).

not to wish anything bad on john mccain, because there’s no reason a 72-year old shouldn’t live another 8 years, but it is more likely that he keel over in office than obama. and that means anti-abortion, anti-women’s rights, anti-welfare, pro-alaskan independence sarah palin would be THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD. the woman who, unlike the rest of us, never gives a thought to iraq, or anywhere outside her front door. who (allegedly) got her brother-in-law forced out of his job and is woefully inexperienced. she would be in charge of the UK’s nuclear arsenal.

it’s not sexist to say HELL TO THE NO. it’s not anti-woman to say WE WANT OBAMA instead. anyone with half an ounce of sense can see who the real feminist candidate is: and it isn’t sarah, it was never hillary. it’s a man called barack who wants to make a change.

i only hope america lets him.

*it had to be done.

a short script based on true events

me: [sings]* raspberry beret…

my mum: what? i always thought it was raspberry parade!

me: what, “the kind you find in a secondhand store”?

my mum: oh. i never heard that bit.

then they both wondered what a raspberry parade would look like.

the end.

*okay, what passes for [sings] in my world