what do you do?

yes, i’m live-blogging the show. here, now! comments, observations and suggestions welcome. grammar and spelling to be tidied up later!

6.44 ish: wishing i had a more exact idea of the time… okay merlin is going off (anyone see it? don’t think i’d like it but if you did good luck to you).

6.45: whoops! don’t want to see the heroes ad, have only just started series two…

okay, HERE WE GO! tess said it best: “this is strictly come dancing - LIVE” (and also? liveBLOGGED!)

nice dress, tess. red. flowery. bit katherine heigl at the oscars. (was it the oscars? will look it up later). your dancing gets worse, though… as does brucie’s banter. he’s getting a bit political though - saying ruth kelly quit government to be on the show. oh dear.

anyway! here come the dancers (and my chance to pre-judge them)…

i think tom chambers is a bit big-headeed.

is jessie wallace auditioning for velma kelly in chicago? seriously.

i’m not confident about jodie kidd… is anyone?

heather small looks promising though.

gary rhodes seems really big-headed.

i have no confidence in gillian taylforth.

right, jessie wallace is first. another chance to see “you ain’t my muvver!”

i heart darren. i interviewed him once you know, he was really nice. looks like they’re having fun in training, they’re going to do a salsa. she looks a bit cautious but we’ll see how she gets on on the dancefloor…

JESSIE’S DANCE: SALSA

i thought: bit ungraceful but good energy, great outfit. not a bad first effort but she’ll have to polish up a bit.

judges thought: “a very, very good job. try and nail the routine so you can really perform” - len.

“full of content” but not wild enough - bruno.

“heavy and a bit laboured, your legs were splaying every time you went down but not bad” - craig

“your dress and smile were working overtime but your hips weren’t” - arlene.

MY SCORE: 6
JUDGES SCORES: 4+4+6+6 = 20

next up is christine blakely (is that spelled right?)

bruce is talking about gagging and doddering (don’t ask).

oh, it’s bleakley. and she’s younger than me! i don’t think she looks it. but then i look young. sorry, back on topic. can she be as great as alesha? we will see. in a minute. if they ever get on with it.

CHRISTINE’S DANCE: FOXTROT

i thought: the foxtrot usually bores me and this was a little bland but her fuschia dress is gorgeous and this was a really good effort. it’s just a blah dance to me.

judges thought: “grace and elegance” - len

“light and ethereal” - bruno.

“extremely confident, lovely shaping through the arms but finish them off a bit better. your framing let you down a bit” - craig
(”it didn’t!” - len)

“the most elegant lady” - arlene

MY SCORE: 7

JUDGES SCORE: 6+6+8+7 = 27

bruce is rambling. oh, i didn’t know lisa snowdon had taken over from denise van outen on johnny vaughn’s breakfast radio show. brendan likes lisa cos she’s pretty and fit - biiiig surprise. (ps: why is he a judge on the underdog show these days? it’s weird). not sure if lisa will be as good as she wants to be. but time to find out!
LISA’S DANCE: SALSA

i thought: dazzling dress, not bad moves but not quite confident enough on her own. her salsa rolls were’t flexible enough and her hands were waggling about without finishing off the moves.

judges thought:

“natural rhythm but your free arm was hanging about” (HA!)

“get down get dirty” - arlene
“fantastic spins” - len

talk about sitting chickens and pepperpots. eh?

“we want to see the juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus” - (who else?) bruno.
MY SCORE: 6
JUDGES SCORE: 5+5+6+6 = 21

time for jodie kidd. this makes me feel old, i remember when she was the epitome of heroin chic. now she’s a horsey posho type. but taaaaaaaaaal: 6′2″ (wow). enter ian waite: the tall girl’s saviour… she looks kinda gawky in the training…

JODIE’S DANCE: FOXTROT

i thought: bit blah again. cos it’s a foxtrot! she looks a bit unsure and her leg kicks weren’t graceful, but not bad.
judges thought: “really really nice but the footwork was a bit ropey” - arlene
“tall girls can dance. it was light, i loved the heel turn that you tried” - len

“you did incredibly well. don’t go from goofy to ice queen - decide the role” - bruno

“height magnifies all problems. there’s a lot of body to control” - craig
MY SCORE: 6 (again)
JUDGES SCORE: 5+6+7+7 = 25

what? jodie’s around my age? i thought she was about 35… okay, back to topic again. we’re looking at the boys’ merengue training now. why am i calling them boys? they’re men. has ola bleached her hair? i’m really not sure about this merengue… we’ll see.

who’s next? nobody. tess is talking to the boys men now. shiny shirts, hips, girls are doing well, blah blah. andrew is dancing the tango next week - tess suggests matching jumpsuits…

ooh! it’s heather small from m people. i’ve been looking forward to this! she looks like she has some moves. and her partner brian is a salsa expert. although he looks about two, bless ‘im.

HEATHER’S DANCE: SALSA

i thought: the best salsa so far, if a bit slow. she was better in hold than out, but i think that was pretty complicated choreography. not as exciting as i’d hoped, but promising…
judges thought: “that’s the spirit! but you missed a few accents” - bruno

“right attitude… it’s let me down a little bit” - craig
“don’t lose it. sizzle - cos you can!” - arlene

“queen of the salsa! great job” - len

MY SCORE: 7

JUDGES SCORE 5+6+8+7 = 26

gillian taylforth next. eek. i don’t have high hopes for her. but we’ll see.
GILLIAN’S DANCE: FOXTROT

i thought: good music (’razzle dazzle’ from chicago) but she doesn’t seem confident. she’s clinging on and hasn’t got great timing. or footwork. spins were dodgy.

judges thought: “a little rough around the edges” - craig

“lots of the fox…” - arlene

“great musicality… tighten up your ribcage” - len

“compared to his previous partners you’re ginger rogers!”
MY SCORE: 5

gillian is so cockney i don’t know what she’s saying to tess. scores!
JUDGES SCORE: 4+5+7+6 = 22

okay, rachel stevens now. she can dance, surely?

RACHEL’S DANCE: SALSA

she can’t wait to get stuck in. vincent is just… being vincent. “i think rachel loves me already. she’s only human.”
i thought: made me a bit shivery. i really liked this one! cute and charismatic and polished.

judges thought: “sexy, don’t hold back” - arlene

“fantastic, well done” - len

“rrrrrrrrrachel… like a pina colada.” - bruno

“i would have liked to have seen a little more rotation… but a-may-zing.”

MY SCORE: 8

JUDGES SCORE: 7+8+8+8=31 *top of the leaderboard!*

wait, did tess just say she had a blog? hey tess, i don’t need the competition, lady!

oh all right, i’ll link to it later.

cherie lungi now, aka: the only partner james jordan has been nice to. “we do have a laugh” she says. has he had anger management classes? even cherie treading on his feet hasn’t made him mr angry.
CHERIE’S DANCE: FOXTROT

i thought: liked the music, whatever it was. controlled and elegant. best foxtrotter of the night, i think. i like cherie. good stuff.
judges thought: “that’s a leading lady!” - bruno

“one class act” - craig

“you’re going to give austin healy a run for his money!”

“best dance of the night” - len

MY SCORE: 8

cherie says she has no saliva. and there was a mistake, but no-one noticed!

JUDGES SCORE: 8+8+9+8=33 *new top of the leaderboard!*

ooh, darren and jessie are at the bottom of the leaderboard… i thought gillian was worse.

agh, time for the men’s group merengue. and for my computer to go crazy, so i didn’t pay much attention. they weren’t bad, although i don’t think it’s john’s dance really. i’d like to see austin do better than tom in this competition ‘cos mr chambers liiiiikes himself. a lot. smarmeee.

and ola *has* bleached her hair.

craig was impressed with tom’s “filthy” hip action but arlene liked austin. get IN!

len was asked who hadn’t improved and he singled out an “awkward” mark.

time to end the show now… and the phonelines are open (calls cost 15p from BT landlines). who to vote for?

this live-blogging is hard work! i might have a lie down now. or some food, at least.

hope you enjoyed this, or you enjoy this when you come to read it later, or you pretend you liked it if i question you subsequently.

vote wisely and often and see the results tomorrow at 8 (including jill and darren jiving - YAY).

“in the meantime, keeeeeeeeeeeep dancing!” *collapses*
[image courtesy of the bbc]