bell’s palsy, that is. i haz it.
constant headache, blurred vision on one side, can’t move my mouth or the right side of my face properly (edit: and have developed a metallic taste in my mouth)… i look and sound a bit like slyvester stallone (edit: or maybe milo ventimiglia!) but keris tells me george clooney had it once, and he seems to have snapped back into shape nicely, so that’s reassuring. it’s caused by an infection, which may be part of why i’ve felt so down lately (or might not, who the heck knows?) so obviously my body needs a rest.
and it’s going to get one - there’s not much else i can do, and after going to the doctors (the receptionist and her “kindness” need a post all of their own…) and then spending over an hour finding somewhere that stocked an eye patch (arrr!) because my eye needs to be forcibly closed at night or i’ll get a nasty infection and lose my sight (fun, and as i’m incredibly squeamish about eyes, not at all disconcerting)… i’m exhausted.
the doctor said it should improve in a couple of weeks, but could be longer (let’s hope not, shall we). at least i can cheer myself up by looking into a mirror and smiling - i look like i’m gurning, and that’s just good fun.
1. while it’s very good for the environment not to flush every time you use the toilet, it’s perhaps better to keep that policy for the privacy of your own home, rather than say, a museum loo. and in any case, brown goes down.
2. if you ask a waiter if they have vodka at the resturant, despite there being a prominent cocktails board nearby, he will not have the energy to speak but will look at you and slightly flex his head at your idiocy (caused not by gormlessness - for once! - but by not having glasses on).
3. if someone is sitting in your train seat, you do not have the right to sit in someone else’s train seat and say “there’s nothing we can do” to the rightful owners of the seat. (i nearly stood and screamed until they moved but it wasn’t my seat. someone was in my seat, but they gave up gracefully.)
4. if you want to go and interrogate someone you’ve never met before about whether the proportions in george stubbs’ paintings look a little bit off… er, don’t.
despite all that, i had a nice time looking at scrub and whistlejacket (or as my mum exclaimed when we found the gallery and saw the big ad hanging on the side: “whistlepocket!”) this weekend. there was delicious lasagne, and vodka, and hot chocolate and a very, very unintentionally funny announcer man on the train (who my mum said was a woman, so she needs her ears syringing out more than she thinks) who was in a bad mood after the signaller made an error (direct quote: “a MAJOR cock-up”) and kept passive-aggresively explaining after every stop why we were running late. i’m sure you have to be very stressed out to use the PA system to criticise your colleagues but it’s very entertaining for the rest of us.
…things might look a bit ugly for a while as i work on a site makeover. it’s ALL CHANGE round here! x
people are always telling me how wonderful wordpress, the blog software that runs this site is. you know what? it ISN’T.
because none of the instructions for making modifications to it (allegedly soooo easy and fabulous) make a lick of sense. i just want to send some posts from wordpress.org to a wordpress.com blog. and the only instructions i can find say things like:
To use it, download the zip and extract. (okay, done!)
1. Upload wp-xmlmigrate.php to wp-content/plugins/
(NO, because where the HELL is this? i’ve looked and looked and the closest i could find was wp-admin/plugins.php, and i don’t know what to do when i get there. i tried typing dianeshipley.com/wp-content/plugins.php but that just brought up my homepage.)
2. Upload wordpress.php to wp-admin/import/
(again NO, because where the HELL is this? how can i upload to somewhere that DOESN’T EXIST?)
3. Activate the plugin. (seems unlikely, somehow…)
can anyone help/translate before i throw my computer out of the window screaming “wordpress designers must die!”?
my top journalism goal has always been a piece in the guardian, my favourite newspaper.
but although i’ve had lots of stuff on the website, i never managed an article in print.
until now! i highly recommend buying the paper today, and flicking through to the technology section… one article in particular.
la la la!
this is a cute decorative idea but my first thought was “albums? where am i supposed to get one of those?” because i’ve never had a record of my own, apart from a couple of singles (one was a present, one i won - erm, in a dance competition at a wedding or something. i was about 9.) what’s more, i couldn’t operate a turntable if you asked me to. i’m taking this as proof that i am still a smidge too young to get really interested in home decor. (maybe after i’m 30. or 40 - let me know when they’re making stuff out of iPods…)
until then, here’s some things i wrote: a british law and order? no thanks, what to expect from strictly come dancing 2008, what YUDU could do for you and the naked truth (if you’re a naturist, you might not like that one).
i was also “daddy or chips’d” on dollymix. (really want to find the ad slogan that inspired this series on youtube but all they have is spoof versions).
and i might print out and frame this. (article scan coming soon). great writer, great interviewee (check out her books).
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