no one has asked me how i’m going.

no shop assistant has asked me how my day has been, if i collect fly-bys, or if that’ll be credit or savings.

when i place my order in a restaurant, the waiter/waitress doesn’t say ”easy as”, “no worries” or “not a problem”.

gordon ramsay and law and order:svu aren’t on tv every second of the day.

it’s damp. and small, and kind of dark, even in the day.

people don’t wear coats when it’s 20 degrees C.

a white cat in a pink t-shirt isn’t howling for my attention. i don’t have to feed some very demanding crows before breakfast.

it doesn’t get dark at 6pm. people stay up past 10 o’ clock at night.

there are no drive-through “bottle shops”.

there’s no train down the middle of the highway.

speed cameras are big and yellow, and called speed cameras, not multinovas.

people say pepper instead of capsicum. and documentary, salvation army and journalist instead of doco, salvos and journo.

no national news presenter would say “good on ya” during a broadcast (nor call the sports guy “tommo”).

police don’t wear baseball caps… or guns.

there’s no gloria jean’s. no-one knows what a flat white is. i can’t go to dome for lunch.

but i can go to starbucks.

and i can catch a bus at the end of my street (and be in town in less than half an hour)

but i can’t see my dad.

lately i’ve been fascinated by diablo cody. i love her punk/goth/rock style, the fact that she’s my age and an oscar-winning screenwriter, and that she is witty and brash and cool; cool enough to blog about how dorky she sometimes feels, which just makes me like her more.

i found her fascinating before juno won its mucho awards, or before i read her book. i’m interested in her life, in how she got where she is today, and the fact that she changed her name to the spanish for “devil”.

but i was in no hurry at all to actually watch juno. partly because everyone kept talking about how witty and edgy and brilliant it is, and it always gets my back up when everyone tells me how much i’ll love something. and partly because i felt a sense of ownership, like: ”i knew about this movie months ago! i know so much about it i don’t even need to see it!”

but mostly it was ‘cos of the whole pregnancy-plot thing. as i once blogged for the guardian, hollywood has trouble handling unwanted pregnancies.

of course, i watched it in the end.

» more…

domestic violence seems to be a hot topic again lately. and for good reason: it needs to be. according to charity women’s aid:

“At least 1 in 4 women experience domestic violence in their lifetime and between 1 in 8 and 1 in 10 women experience it annually. Less than half of all incidents are reported to the police, but they still receive one domestic violence call every minute in the UK.” [emphasis mine].

there’s very little humour to be wrought from the situation, you would think… but the daily mail, or more accurately, author wendy holden, had a go: labelling marian keyes’s new novel this charming man, which tackles domestic abuse… (wait for it) “hit lit.” (’cos it sounds a bit like “chick lit”, see?) puke.

serendipitously, my feature on domestic abuse outreach services is in this month’s copy of mental health today magazine, and it was the hardest thing i’ve ever written: gruelling, upsetting and the most serious piece i’ve pulled off so far. i hope i did the topic justice, and that the title (not mine) isn’t too flighty, as i’m sure it wasn’t intended to be.

most of all, i deeply hope wendy holden somehow comes into contact with it…

read it here and here if you’d like.

update: the new york times gets it right.

this week i wrote a post for popgadget which i’m a bit proud of: celebrating women in tech. and cali lewis is following me on twitter as a result! i feel under pressure to be interesting now… (oh - no-one tell her about the stalkerish homage i wrote, will you?)

it’s been a technoriffic few days:

my piece for the telegraph about the internet’s role in the resurgence of traditional crafts is out today, in the paper and also online. yay!

i’ve also been writing about all manner of things at popgadget, from feline false teeth to twitter proposals (aww) to subverting the patriarchy (yeah, the product’s PR loooooooved that one).

and i’m in woman’s weekly talking wifi (until wednesday).  

* i like the way that sounds like “tick tock”, which is apt, as it’s clocks forward this weekend!

it’s always nice to be told you have no imagination first thing in the morning.*

in related news, i blogged for the guardian again, about mentoring schemes.

*it’s true my choice in clothes could be more imaginative: i’m all pyjama, pyjama, pyjama these days.

a couple of things to make feminists (or you know, everyone) good and angry:

kay burley is a misogynist/idiot.

this is not only stupid and sexist; it doesn’t make much sense. call me clueless but i had no idea PETA was so anti-women.

finally, an antidote: random acts of feminism! (love. it.)

updated update: well done everyone! just one and a half quotes to go…

i saw this on gabrielle’s blog, and thought it was appropriate oscars day fare…

i’m going to post quotes from 15 of my favourite films below. (take note: some of them are two-parters…) guess in the comments if you know the quote and the first one to each gets the credit. NO GOOGLING or otherwise trawling the net - play fair! (and if you know ‘em all, be nice and just guess one or two so others can join in, k?) okay, here we go…

1. - “You are so self-righteous, you know. I mean we’re just people. We’re just human beings, you know? You think you’re God.”

- “I gotta model myself after someone.” - yay for sally! it IS manhattan.

2. “I’ve had it up to my ass with sedate.” - LOTS of guesses about which one was thelma and louise, but finally helen nailed it!

3. “Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash.” when harry met sally - good work, keris! i *knew* you’d get that one. (honorable mentions to sue and claire, just not quite fast enough!)

4. “Claustrophia and a dead body - this is a neurotic’s jackpot!” - well spotted, pom! it’s manhattan murder mystery.

5. “He’s all right! Aren’t you, cat? Poor cat! Poor slob! Poor slob without a name!”  breakfast at tiffany’s - helen TM got it! (and was the first to get one, btw!)

6. - “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

- “That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard.” sally nailed it - classic babs streisand (and ryan o’neal making fun of love story) in what’s up doc? (which i lurrrrrrrrrrrrrve).

7.”That’s it. Out you two pixies go - through the door, or out the window!” - it’s a wonderful life, isn’t it, peepo?

8. “I am so glad that I got sober now so I can be hyper-conscious for this series of humiliations.” - postcards from the edge - right again keris! :)

9. - “I already know an awful lot of people and until one of them dies I couldn’t possibly meet anyone else.”

- “Well, if anyone goes on the critical list, let me know.”

10. “Don’t worry. We can walk to the curb from here.” - annie hall, of course! pom said it first.

11. “Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called in-breeding; from this comes idiot children… and other lawyers.” - after a hint or two, peepo finally got it: adam’s rib. if you haven’t seen it, why not? katharine hepburn, spencer tracy and (my favourite) judy holliday in a classic almost-feminist film.

12. “As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.” - goodfellas, good stuff peepo!

13. “”Abt natural, I’ve got a gub!” - jas gets half a point for flagging it up as a woody allen quote… but which movie?

14. “You and your lousy letters. Just to get one of them made me special even before I opened it. All your crappy stories, all your big dreams.” - good work again, helen TM! it *was* the biggest girlie weepie of all time, beaches (remember all those letters they wrote?) - sob!

15. “Okay, so you’re probably going, “Is this like a Noxzema commercial or what?” But seriously, I actually have a way normal life for a teenage girl.”  - sally got it again! - she’s not clueless… (geddit?)

good luck!!!

i’m going to let you in on a little secret: i’ve been hard at work on a lot of things lately, not all of them profitable, but top of the list is [drumroll please…] a whole new blog.

not as a replacement for this one, but as a more commercial venture (i.e. i’d like to make some money at it one day) and of a much less personal nature.

but still funny, weird and interesting, of course. (what do i mean, ’still’?)

if you’re curious, clicky here to find out more.